A letter to God

Dear God,
I've failed you. In this holy week, where I pledge to be at peace with myself and not carry anger with me, but alas I did. I told myself not to flare up at him no matter what. JUst because it's holy week, and it's a time for penance and fasting. And i thought if I were to carry my plan through, I will apply it to my everyday life - i wont get angry over petty things anymore.
Ever since I came to know you better, I see a change in me that HE did not. I admit my mercenary ways, my hope of getting wealthier, of having a comfortably life. Of coz I still wish I could live comfortably, but that's not my priority anymore. I'm happy with my life now. I'm happy with what I'm earning. Happy that I'm blessed with such a beautiful home, beautiful family and a beautiful love. I do not dare to ask for more. The financial crisis hit me hard. I am embroiled in the biggest laughingstock in the banking world. Uncertainties filled me. Fear engulfed me. I lived everyday of the past 6 months in darkness, not that anyone else can see. I'm good at disguise. BUt I know You can. When you listen to me at night. The fear of losing my job, fear of landing in big debts, fear of losing my home, was almost overwhelming. I handled everything myself. Never once did I hear HIM console me about my predicament. Nor to tell me that God is with me. God has plans for us. For HE does not believe you Lord. But I do now. I know you have big plans for me. I know im not alone. THe fact that I'm still employed now must be the works of Your hand. I'm very consoled. I cant ask for more.
As I inch towards my baptism, to become One with you, I promised to become a better person in every way. I will not hunger nor thirst anymore, because I know you will provide. Hence, the biggest change in me, is probably surrendering myself to You. Knowing that everything is taken care of. I do not crave for big pay packages, nor luxurious living anymore. Yet HE does not see this change.
Throughout my entire RCIA journey, I have not heard a single word of encouragement nor prayer to support me. Nothing. I choose to think HE's not a very open person with his prayers. I always liked having a husband who is a church-goer, and who can lead me in my prayers too. But not HIM.
I must say I'm sorely disappointed. Because although He's there with me in every class, I dont feel He is guiding me or supporting me very much.
Now, HE thinks that I want him to sell all his possessions. I have no intention for that. What I meant was that we should be contented with what we have, with what You have given us. Everything else is a bonus. If we do not have any commitments, I will definitely say BUY. But now, we have so many commitments, and with this recession, I'm not sure if we should over-indulge. I'm more worried about HIM being able to recover his cashflow than anything else. So why does he not understand?
I pray that you watch over and protect us, and reveal Yourself to us so that we may be guided onto the right path. Help us to grow in love every day of our lives.
Thank you Lord.
Amen.